Four things that make a difference (in the ICU)

The Intensive Care Unit (ICU) is a tough place to be. Your child is intubated. Sedated and otherwise heavily drugged. Scared. Most probably (very) angry at you. Some refuse to talk.

Extubating is a milestone to celebrate, as well as the start of weaning off painkillers and other meds. But looking at your child struggling with pain, sweating and shaking, being confused and in discomfort kills any celebratory mood.

There is a lot happening at the ICU, and very little a parent can do to feel useful. But not nothing.

Moist swabs

It is hard to know what a baby or a little child needs. They will not tell you about the sore throat that comes after the intubation tube is taken out. Nor will they mention dry mouth while a nasal fork is blowing oxygen into their noses. They might, however, ask for water. And a nurse might tell you it is not yet the time for fluids and food. So the ask can quickly turn into a cry and a parent drowning in guilt and frustration.

When we started falling into that rabbit hole, lemon swabs came to the rescue.

We found them in the hospital pharmacy. It is basically a stick with a cotton top. Just like ear sticks, but a bit bigger and soaked into a flavored liquid.

Levitating balloon

Another thing that pretty quickly turned into a great prop for a bit of early rehabilitation and physiotherapy was a helium balloon.

After the sleeping drugs started wearing off, our daughter woke up fairly angry. She did not talk to us. She did not even want to look at us. Hours turned to days. Nothing worked to cheer her up. Until we brought in a big mermaid balloon.

Soon it turned into an exercise accessory. To reach it, she had to raise her hands.

We allowed it to serve as a boxing bag - for both the exercise and venting purpose.

And why use only hands. The balloon sustained some kicks too. It turned out to be great fun and very useful.

Balancing towel

As she became stronger and started moving more, she wanted to change the positions she was in. But it was hard for her to roll from her back to the side, and even more - to stay that way. That's where a rolled towel came to the rescue.

Leaning lightly on the roller will ease the burden from the child's abdominal muscles, as well as on everything that was cut open, broken and sutured.

What also helped to get a bit of additional comfort later on was a pillow below knees while in a sitting position. It prevents the bed from turning into a slide, but it also makes it easier for the lower back.

Comforting sweater

One of the hardest parts of being at the ICU for us was - leaving. The hospital's policy during the Covid-19 pandemic did not allow parents to stay with their children full time. We had a system of visiting hours - four times per day, between an hour and 90 minutes. And it was hell.

When your child cries and screams knowing it is time for you to leave, it does not matter how many times you repeat you will be back. To the child it feels like you will never come back again.

I do not remember anymore where I got the idea from, but what seemed to have eased the time apart was a sweater left behind. A sweater I started wearing well before our daughter's surgery was soaked with the smell of me.

Just before leaving, I would show it to her, tell her I will be leaving it, explain that she needs to keep it for me and that I will come back to get it.

While leaving it with her did very little to reduce her crying, it seemed to have worked once we were gone. Upon our return we would almost regularly find her asleep, her nose buried in my sweater as she was spooning with it.